


Truths and Fears

by zestycheck (breathingfire)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Abuse, M/M, Post-Canon, sazed is mentioned too, taako collides with his fractured self worth: the fic, theres a little bit of all caps yelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-31 01:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathingfire/pseuds/zestycheck
Summary: If you asked him, Taako would insist that he knows everyone loves him. But something in his gut always sours when he says that.Sometimes you just need to make sure.





	Truths and Fears

**Author's Note:**

> when your 3rd person limited pov accidentally swaps characters halfway thru but you cant bring yourself to give a shit
> 
> it feels like ive been working on this for ages and i just want to get this up already lmao
> 
> (also im avoiding homework by writing angst)
> 
> also quick headcanon explanation: krav was a bard in his past life, and he can still cast bard spells, he just usually doesnt need to

Taako woke up with a start, gasping and bolting up as the last few seconds of the nightmare replayed itself in his head. A couple of tears squeezed out of his eyes. Kravitz, laying beside him, gave a questioning murmur at the sudden movement, still mostly asleep. Taako gave some placating empty assurances, then quickly got up and headed to the kitchen to grab some water, wiping away at the tears. He lingered there after filling a glass, contemplating some stress baking, but ultimately decided against it. He wandered back to his room, eyes open but not processing anything, mind blessedly empty of thought.

He was surprised to find Kravitz sitting up, waiting for him. Taako huffed a laugh. “Aren't you supposed to be sleeping, handsome?”

“You know I don't need to,” Kravitz replied, eyeing the way Taako gripped the cold water like it was a lifeline, and the dark circles under his eyes. “I can't sleep without you here, anyway. Did something wake you?”

That was new information, and Taako mentally tucked that away as he leaned down to kiss his boyfriend's forehead. “That's sweet, but you know I don't need to, either. Nothing's wrong, just being an elf.”

Kravitz hummed as Taako walked around the bed. “Except you weren't in meditating position last night. I specifically remember you snuggling up against me as you started to snore.”

Taako made a face at him as he climbed into bed. “You could give Ango a run for his money, with how  _ annoyingly _ perceptive you are. And I don't snore.”

“Weeellllllll…” Kravitz didn't get to finish his teasing as Taako shoved him light-heartedly, and just grinned instead. 

After a few moments, the teasing grin was replaced with a look of concern. “A nightmare? Was it the Hunger?”

Task sighed, resigned. “No it wasn't that, it…”  _ It was Sazed, kissing him gently before grabbing him roughly. It was Sazed, lacing sweet compliments with biting derision. It was Sazed, poisoning forty people in an attempt to kill  _ him _. _

He knew Kravitz wasn't like that. They'd been together for years, and he's been nothing but sweet, if occasionally annoying in a teasing way. No, he didn't line up with Sazed at all. But the dream did make him think of other things, things he wasn't so sure about at all.

_ It was Sazed, assuring him that no one could ever love him. It was Sazed, making sure he knew how much of a piece of shit he was. It was Sazed, assuring him how Kravitz never loved him, how the reaper had much better prospects than some shitty elf. _

“I uh, I want to ask you a few things.” Taako quickly added, “And I want you to tell the truth, not just say bullshit to make me feel better, got it? Don't make me go find Merle so he can Zone of Truth your ass.”

Kravitz held up his hands placatingly. “ I won't, I promise.” When Taako continued to look at him suspiciously, he sighed. “I can cast Zone of Truth if it really bothers you.”

“Wait, really?” Taako thought for a few seconds. “Yeah, do that.”

Kravitz whistled a couple notes, and suddenly a ring of light surrounds the bed and fills most of the room. He willingly failed his charisma check, and waited for Taako.

Taako still didn't look convinced. “Say the sky is green.”

“The sky is blue,” Kravitz replied, patient as ever.

Satisfied that he'd at least get the truth instead of sugar coated excuses, Taako had to think now about what he was gonna  _ say _ . He hadn't really planned this far.

He got up and started pacing. Suddenly a lot converged on him at once.

“Do you still want this? No,” Taako said, stopping and holding up a finger towards Kravitz when he opened his mouth, “let me finish.” He closed his mouth dutifully and Taako resumed his pacing. 

“Like, when we started this, you had literally no friends. Nothing. Then I came along and sorta made myself your only option. But like! Now you  _ have  _ friends!” he exclaimed, hands gesturing wildly, pacing never slowing. “Mortal friends, ghost friends. You have  _ options _ . You could venture out into the world and have anyone you wanted. I'm sure there are  _ plenty _ of people in the world who would be thrilled to date the actual embodiment of death, like, that's so fuckin’ goth. What I'm saying is, I don't want you to -” his voice cracks, “-  _ settle _ out of a sense of obligation 'cuz I like, helped save the world or some shit. Like, gods know how much of a terrible fucking person I am. Like, I stole from a  _ kid _ . Who does that?! Not anyone who deserves to be happy with someone like you, that's for sure. I'm just...  _ worthless _ and -”

Taako's voice has risen to the point of hysterics, and Kravitz suddenly feels very overwhelmed. He has to stem the tide, somehow. “Taako -”

Taako whipped around to face him, tears streaming down his face. “SO JUST SAY HOW YOU FUCKIN’ FEEL AND  _ LEAVE ALREADY! _ ” His eyes went wide as he covered his mouth, surprised by his own outburst. He slumped down onto the ground and buried his face in his hands, quietly sobbing.

Kravitz was stunned, to say the least. He wondered vaguely how long  _ that _ had been boiling under the surface. For most of their relationship, surely, but something told Kravitz it had been there in some form for much longer than that.

Kravitz quietly extracted himself from the blankets and made his way over to where Taako was, and sat an arm's length away from him. “Taako, I…”  He stopped, unsure where to even  _ start _ . He laid a comforting hand on Taako's shoulder.

Occasionally Taako would startle from the contact of Kravitz's cold skin if he wasn't expecting it, but this was something else. His entire body shrank away from the touch, as if it pained him. Or as if he were  _ expecting _ pain. His eyes went wide and he backed up until he hit the wall.

Kravitz’s chest hurt at the sight of it, but he tried very, very hard not to take it personally. He held up his hands in a non-threatening gesture, and then folded his hands in his lap to resist the temptation to reach out again. 

“Taako,” he said, nervously licking his lips, “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t ever want to hurt you.

“I love you, Taako. The Zone is still active, Taako, and  _ I love you. _ I don't feel like I'm settling at all, far from it.” Kravitz laughed breathlessly at the thought of it. “Sure I have 'options’, choices, but I'd still choose you, every time.”

Taako raised his head a bit.

“You're not a perfect person, sure, but  _ neither am I. _ No one is.

“You care about Angus, even if you won't admit it.” 

Taako scoffed.

“It's true! The fact that you're still torn up about something that happened years ago - and that he's moved on from - is proof enough of that. He still loves you, Taako.”

“Well, y-” Taako stopped, swallowing. “I kn-” He winced as his usual bravado was forced to die in his throat.

Kravitz continued. “Your passion when you're cooking, that look you get when you're performing for your school's students, when you cook everybody's favorite food when they come over - that's what I love about you. You make me laugh, you worry about me when I'm gone - don't make that face, you've told me that before! - you love your family and they love you too. 

“I don't know how to convince you of this except to say  _ I'm still not allowed to lie, and I love you, Taako. _ ”

Taako took a deep breath and scrubbed at his eyes with the heel of his hand. He then crawled over to Kravitz, slowly, but when he got there Taako suddenly leaned his entire weight against Kravitz with such force he was almost knocked over. After he regained his composure, Kravitz gently wrapped his arms around Taako, relieved when there was no resistance.

It was quiet, a little muffled, but Kravitz could make it out. “I love you, too.”

The Zone dissipated from the room with a quiet fizzle, soft golden light disappearing. Taako sniffed. “That was all an act,” he mumbled, still pressed up against Kravitz's side. “A test.”

Kravitz smiled. “Of course it was, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> i think the way zone of truth handles opinions is that it forces the person to say what they hold to be true. so if this feels ooc for taako, i just wanna say that he was so focused on making sure krav was telling the truth, that he didnt notice that he also failed his charisma check.
> 
> if it still feels ooc, well its called projecting your feelings onto fictional characters and im not gonna apologize for it
> 
> in case its not super clear, taako was about to say "well yeah, of course, i knew that"
> 
>  
> 
> feel free to follow my taz tumblr [@zestycheck](https://zestycheck.tumblr.com). I take fic requests + prompts.


End file.
